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Kartina Rosli

These ‘Secrets To Successful Living’ Are Going To Change You!

How not to become our own worst enemy

Photo by murat esibatir on Pexel

As women in a modern society, we play many roles from being a daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend and a member of various communities. The pressure builds up when you are also a business owner or lead an organisation.

Value our self-worth

Balancing these roles can be overwhelming but learning how to manage our expectations and exercise self-management can help reduce the pressures. In a society where mistakes are not easily tolerated or differing opinions and views are easily challenged, the ability to filter the comments, feedback and remarks from various parties is a skill. The technique of ‘tuning out to unnecessary noise’ is essential in achieving a productive and happy life. The first step is to learn how to appreciate our self-worth.

As humans, we tend to be over-critical of ourselves and do not credit our strengths and talents. We let our personal expectations and the pressures of needing to be perfect take over our lives and emotions got the better of us. There will be days where we want to give up on tasks at hand or contemplate, even starting it. As a result, our growth gets stunted, and we make no progress.

When the going gets tough, we find ourselves doubting our abilities. We questioned if we are really good at what we do, or doing it the right way, or working hard enough. And then, our ‘mental demon’ comes to play and start to plant thoughts in our head. We ask if we deserve this much happiness, success, wealth and acceptance.

However, self-sabotaging can be a dangerous affair, and unless we come out of it fast, we deprive ourselves of our own happiness and opportunity to reach our goals. In other words, we become our worst enemy. While there are many reasons for us feeling like this, there are ways to come out of it quickly.

Here are some basic rules on creating a pathway to successful living, whether in our own lives or business. 

Stop criticising ourselves

We are all born with unique talents, and that is true because God’s creations are just. While learning to stay humble is a virtue; learning to stop overly criticising ourselves is as important. While it is important to reflect on what we have done wrong, it is essential to tip the scale towards achieving positive results the next time. If we don’t, it will always be a vicious cycle. What makes it worse is when we go into an emotional and mental paralysis when we allow people to do just that. So, in order to build a resistance wall, we have to stop doing it to ourselves first.

Approach things with a positive mindset even when we feel down. Deviate the feelings to other productive activities that will help us calm down and understand why we are the best person for this job, role, and task. When we believe in our strengths for whatever we intend to do, everything starts to change because we make an effort to start doing. 

Be confident of your strengths

Identify one or two things you are good at and build on that as a motivation to do other things. We are not a jack of all trades. We are unique, and we have our own specialist areas. Focus on that one trade or niche and keep sharpening the saw. In other words, focus on your strength. Pivot our thoughts to making positive progress in our trade and become even better every time. Most of all, celebrate all the small achievements.

When we come across a roadblock, find the reason why it was a problem, and seek alternatives to come back even better and stronger. Don’t kill ourselves trying to be perfect. Need someone who can help grow your business? Hire a marketing or public relations agency to help you deal with marketing strategies. Not good with writing? Upgrade ourselves and take courses in writing or hire a blogger who can help you write great high ranking pieces for your company websites. Need a transformation? Hire a coach to help us achieve our goals. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, find a solution as a motivation to keep going. Start small but dream big. Always.

Instil a habit of speaking positively

As a parent, I believe in injecting positive influence through proper choice of words and language in my conversations with my children – especially the teenager. Likewise, the positive language and self-talk should be at play with ourselves and with people around us.

Pay attention to your language and the words you use. In a digital world, our fingers act faster than our brains can react or think. Avoid the urge to be a ‘keyboard warrior’ and get involved in unproductive comments. Always be mindful of our personal branding and develop a positive image. Stay away from negative people and avoid being entangled in a negative mindset, especially on social media.

One of the best ways to speak positively is to be in the company of the right people. This is important as being in the right community who share a similar drive and ‘speak the same language’ helps us keep a balanced head, heart and mind. When everyone exudes respect and appreciation in our communications for each other, we propel better and move faster in our business and personal life.

I am reminded of what my personal coach always says, ‘choosing your words wisely is key to unveiling the right attitude in people.’ The tongue can be a double-edged sword. It can dictate how we perceive and live life. Use it wisely, and you will be amazed at how it can transform us into better human beings.

Learn to let go

There will always be people who will make us feel unappreciated, undervalued, or not worth to be in their circle. So be it. Leave them. It is hard to do, but relieving ourselves from such pressure or the feeling of resentment will help us feel better. Always trust our instincts. Be very, very, very good at what we do so that no one can say otherwise. And even if someone were to argue or counter our views, invite them for an open conversation to understand their thoughts.

We are all here to learn from one another, and if they feel they are better than us, give them the benefit of the doubt. If we disagree with them, we have the right to politely walk away and acknowledge that we are all entitled to our own views and way of doing things. Sometimes, it helps to stop ourselves from trying too hard. Learn to say no to bullshit and toxic people and move on.

In order for us to achieve greater things and take care of others, we need to take care of ourselves first. Keep a healthy and positive mind because if we don’t, who will?

Remember, you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens ― Louise L. Hay

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Kartina Rosli
Written By

Kartina is Marketing In Asia's Editor for Op-Ed. She is also the Founder of Tin Communications. A media specialist with over 20 years of experience in both public and private sectors, she helps SMEs grow their business through strategic media and marketing plans. Connect with her on LinkedIn. You may also reach her by email at kartina@marketinginasia.com.

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