“Why is it always my fault? I’m sick of everyone putting the blame on me!”
Sound familiar? The other person is taking things personally. Usually, it’s because they are talking to themselves too negatively, or there is a lack of self-love.
Another reason is because (especially as Asians) our language / culture does not differentiate between behavior and the person.
“YOU are so lazy.”
“YOU will never amount to anything.”
“YOU are making MY life difficult by handing up this lousy work.”
Let’s consider these instead:
“It’s incorrect for us to leave homework undone. Do it now.”
“It is wrong for us to cheat during the exam. I have to punish you, but I know you will grow from this experience.”
“We have to be more meticulous in our work. Let’s re-look at Section 3.2 again tomorrow 3pm.”
How did you feel reading those?
The message is the same. But the difference is huge because we are now using impersonal language.
(Also, we are teaching what needs to be done to fix the mistake!)
So, let’s leave character judgement at the door.
Help each other understand that we’re only interested in attacking the problem, not the person.